Milking for Dummies

Unlike what an average 8 year old American child believes, Milk is not derived from the refrigerated aisle of the grocery store. This hearty and healthy drink is the product of a cow.

It is unimaginable that anyone would go thirsty in the presence of a cow. And it is with that in mind that we offer this public service.

Manually milking a cow for the dummy.

You will need the following:

  • Hot water in a container. Small sufuria or cleaned Kasuku container will do.
  • Clean small towel
  • Container to hold the milk
  • Milking Jelly. Coopers is a fine example for this purpose
  • Long bar of wood. 4 x 4 inches will work for most cows.
  • Strong Rope (if the cow is wild and needs more restraining than normal)
  • Cow food. Unga Maize Meal, Bran etc.


  • First pour the cow meal into the trough of the ‘Jock’. Most zero-grazing cow shelters will have a designated are for milking, a jock if you may.
  • The cow will immediately come to the jock. In cases of multiple cows they would have usually signed an MOU dictating the milking order.
  • Once the cow is in the jock, insert the long bar of wood in front of the rear legs to prevent the cow from kicking the milk container during the milking process.
    • If a cow has a history of the “kicking bucket syndrome” please tie its legs to the side of the jock to ensure that any kicking will be nullified.
  • Next put the wet towel into the container of hot water and use this towel to clean the cows titties. Ensure thorough cleaning by repeatedly cleaning, rinsing and wiping the titties.
  • Apply the milking jelly i.e. coopers on your hands and ‘soften’ each separate titty by applying and gently caressing the jelly onto each titty. This ensures that pulling the cows titties while milking will not hurt the cow.
  • Then position your milk container below the cow’s bladder.
  • Depending on skill level gently hold and pull firmly each titty or two at a time to release milk into the container. A variety of holding and pulling each titty for milking are used. Find one that works for you and perfect it.
    • Repeat this process until there is no more milk in each of the titty. Thereafter move the container of fresh milk away from the jock.
  • Using hot water again clean the bladder area of the cow.
  • Finally untie the cows legs and remove the wooden bar to release the cow.

Warning: Boil milk before consumption. Store milk in a refrigerated area or covered in a cool place.

2 thoughts on “Milking for Dummies

  1. a few pointers:

    a] you use the towel to clean the cow’s udder – not bladder – LMAO

    b]When a titty gets dry during the milking process, it is not necessary to waste more coopers – simply flick your finger across the “foam” at the top of the milking container and rub it onto the titty

    c]For multiple cows, it might be necessary to mix the Unga Feeds Dairy Meal and/or bran with chicken manure (after it has been finely sieved)… this will help you cut down on costs , plus provides a very rich diet, resulting in more milk …

  2. udder it is, can’t remember reading this in school.
    also didn’t know that it is teats not titties…thats wiki for you.

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