Fart-Free Cows

This is one of those stories you hear and you have to verify for yourself. Apparently cows are responsible for about 4 % of greenhouse gases and thus contributing factors to global warming.

When a cow farts or belches it produces methane gas which is a greenhouse gas. To solve this problem a research group in Germany has developed a pill that will help cows turn methane gas into usable energy instead of farting it into the atmosphere.

Farmers can opt for an odorless pill or a vanilla flavored pill that will have their cows farting perfume in no time.

Scientists estimate they can reduce the impact of greenhouse gases by more than 10% simply by stopping cow fart combined with the reduction of polluted air in the near atmosphere.

99% of polluted air in the near atmosphere is attributed to celebrities naively bitching about global warming.

So spread the gospel and get your cow on the new diet pill that will not only put it on the cover of the next issue of ‘cow & hygiene’; but also help you contribute a part in curbing global warming. Without bitching of course!

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26 thoughts on “Fart-Free Cows

  1. Hapana!! Hell naw! A big emphatic NO! Where are the animal rights activists? I believe that every animal has a right to fart. Humans included. In fact it should be ranked way up there with all the other basic human (and animal) rights! Imagine if someone stuffed you with pills that would take away your ability to unleash flatulence at your own pleasure and convenience, and that joyous relief that you get once you’ve unleashed a silent killer (otherwise known as a yusssssufff!) Anyway it’s a proven fact that humans (and probably even animals too) should be encouraged to fart regularly coz if they don’t, the fart gas forms an air bubble that travels all the way up into the brain, and that’s where sh*t ideas emerge from! Imagine what this will do to the cows! I’m all for flatulence!

  2. ive died!youve made my day!but i cant dispute the facts!guess all creatures are to blame for this global warming fiasco!i wonder if such points will ever fika kyoto!archer no worries…the pill is meant to make the mshuto smell good!i think you should get one too!;)

  3. No way let the cows graze in peace without stuffing them with vanilla essence. Do you seriously see a maasai jamaa in Kajiado dosing out pills to his 100 head herd? We should tackle the other 96% emmissions first and plant more trees to soak up the carbon from the oblivious bovines.

  4. @Archer Man what u sniffin lately…

    @3n “cows farting perfume in no time.”…n those bila deo’s or perfumes cn glady stand bhind a cow n voila!! u hv perfume scent from a cow’s ass.

    This global warmin issue is hvin 2 much written about it.

  5. Archer, you have killed me with your animal rights defense. I will join you campaign and let ngombes do their thing.

    @mama shady, what if ngombes want to keep their mshutos stinking? All our organization – AWWCFF (A World Where Cows Fart Freely) is campaigning for is to give each cow the right to choose when, how and what it farts. Is that too much too ask?

    Kirima I also do not see any Maasai herdsman giving any pill to a ngombe.

    By the way have they researched and checked that this pill will not affect the taste of nyama.

    I cannot have anything affect the taste of my nyamchom!

    @unyc…you know many farmers do not use deo or perfume, this would definitely be a bonus for them.

  6. ebu preach!lakini ebu i ask…AWWCFF…salalala…enyewe ebu confess…what substances are you abusing!give it up, eau de naturale is on the way out!upende usipende.

  7. mama shady, I am only on my regular pain killer combination – socolime & amstelizi

    However I do think I have some few screws loose in my kichwa leading to a permanent natural high

  8. @3N: at least you see things from my point of view. Ati AWWCFF (A World Where Cows Fart Freely) LOL!!!

    @mama shady: but that’s the essence of a mshuto. It’s supposed to stink. Otherwise how would you have that cheeky grin on your face once you’ve unleashed one?

    @unyc: what am I sniffin’ lately? You don’t want to know. Believe me. But you’re welcome to give it a thought.

  9. Lakin whats the fun of hving mshuto that is sceneted?
    I thot the whole idea of mshuto was to stink till u turn mapua…ukisema mmmmmhhh!!!

  10. aaah,unyc and bwana archer, the fun in a mshuto is being able to unleash one and making it stink in a way that people will think its coming from the other side of the room i.e remaining anonymous!lakini most people do not have this ability…the deadly stuff just clings mpaka its like a force field!and then everyone juas its you!then you gather nicknames like ‘stinky ama bin heruf’. the stigma o!let the ngombes fart freely lakini humans until we jua how to shuta strategically…bado!;)hehehe, pole 3N for dotting on youre post

  11. Hakuna shida mama shady most of this blog is dotting anyway.

    By the way I have thought of ways of banning public mshutos by persons aged 10 – 65. It’s disgusting when anyone between this age shutas ovyo ovyo. Kids and grandparents can release at will.

    How about scientists create a pill for humans that make mshutos have color and or glow in the dark.

    Say you are on the dance floor and you unleash a yussufff; under the current conditions you can get away with it and enjoy the ‘who the fuck shutad’ look on the face of people around you.

    Lakini with the proposed pill, your silent killer will be exposed with a glow that will alert everyone to immediately leave the dance floor.

    i will get my people working on this.

    Bwana Archer you need to share prescriptions for whatever you are sniffing. I need something to make it through this afternoon.

  12. I remember them days, back in primary school, [i went to boarding] when we used to nyamba and belch in empty juice bottles and “store” the smell for when the TV-Room was parked like sardines …

    The bottle opening ceremony was glorious, the majestic diffusion of noxious particles, while everyone was glued on Mahabbarat … the unanimous, venomous reaction of the crowd … the ngotos if u were discovered …

    But I digress. This pill is a direct threat to boarding school life. It must be fought and resisted.

    Thou shall fart – there is no greater manifestation of freedom of expression!!

  13. I didn’t know there are people who study farts and their scents. I only know the egg-smelling one(boiled egg).

    Archer’s science of fart airbubbles is a classic.What about shitty outlook Mr. Archer?

    Hee Mwangi you have experiences!!!

  14. Stop asking Archer what his sniifing coz its definitely the air bubble going 2 his head…n it cmes out as verbal diarrhoea….

  15. @Unyc: trust you! Trust you! Razima tu uniingilie, kwani mi ni ngotha? I’d like to inform you that I fart very regularly. In fact I’ll unleash one in your honour. Yussssuf kando, I’ll shuta a loud one and call it Kaparrrrrro (o-o-o-ooordah!) while I think of you and nothing else!

    @3N: I’m smoking something. Milo gave me. You know the way I’ve been pestering him to share whatever it is that he smokes so he gave me just a ka tiny sample. I see its working!

    @Bomseh: shitty outlook ni nini sasa?

  16. bomseh let me take a stab at that shitty outlook one…as it so happens, its when youve jikazad, not only mshutos, and that air bubble travels not only with air but other paticles…then they burst somwhere around your occular nerves..pap!its all over, smeared huko on the cornea…hehe,shitty outlook!

  17. What are you guys smoking? How we manage to not comment on tha subject matter…heheheh Nway thats a good laugh.

    @mwangi ..how on earth do you fart in a bottle?

  18. Oh and by the way when you fart ..you release good bacteria. So try avoid foods that make you fart.
    It was on a tv programme I watched last year.

  19. @ Farm gal: The methodology is as imprecise as it is uncouth ,,, and because I don’t want to lose your respect 🙂 allow me to spare you the details … though I can do a lil’ demo ukiniona kando … lol

  20. I warn everyone, anyone who farts in a bottle will forever be the posterchild for rude and cruel behavior to society.

    @ farm gal, ati mshutos are good bacteria? Then how come they smell so awful?

    I echo Shrek’s sentiments ‘Better out than in, I always say’

  21. honestly I aint making it up..it was some programme on tv..hebu google and prolly something will come up.

    @mwangi …eeehh I’m sure its like one of those experiment we did in school..remember akina chemistry ..titration etc
    I’v heard of people who collect air (I’ll google this) and sell it. Sijui guys of Wales who miss their fresh air and they’v gone (not too sure) abroad..Ma this was featured on tv..I guess you wondering what kind of tv I watch…

  22. Shitty outlook Mr. Archer is when activities down south bring tears to your eyes. Mama Shady knows the look.

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