Reasons I might never attend another Kenyan Hanye

The Music: there are several staple Kenyanese songs that you will ALWAYS hear at every hanye. Kenyan DJ’s have a secret arrangement with some artists to always play their songs.

Another thing Kenyan DJ’s believe…a song has to be popular first before they can spin it at a hanye. This means that they will NEVER play an unheard of song – no matter how good it is.

The Crowd: same ol’ same ol people…asking the same questions – you giving them the same answers. Its so redundant and choreographed.

Then the ChiMami’s – everyone knows that a Hanye is not the best place to pick up wifey material.

Hanyes were created purely for 1 night stand career artists when no Mother Hen is on duty that particular night.

I cannot explain how much some of these mamas at Kenyan Hanyes fascinate me; this goes back to the IT factor.

Yani a Chic will wear a skimpy dress, uncordinated make up and a LV look alike bag hanging from her shoulder and all of a sudden she has the audicity to think she is the Next Kenyan Hanye Sawa Chic!

Maaringo yanini?

Sometimes a jamaa might say hi to you without wanting to find out if whether what is between your legs is grade-A K. Chema chajiuza, kibaya chajitembeza

And then you wonder how you are single at 29, shortly thereafter you downgrade your maringo and start gawia-ing jamaas ovyo ovyo. I will say a Prayer!

Anyway back to reasons I shouldn’t go to another Kenyan Hanye…

Oh yes, the venues

I am a firm believer that good times are achieved if and only if T is ≤ 2 M from IOP.

T – Time

M – Minutes

IOP – Initial order for Pints

Your local Wanjiku should never take more than 2 minutes from the time you make your Initial Order for Pints to have a cold beer or your favorite social lubricant in front of you.

Last time I went out it took me more so long to get my IOP honored that the club stopped selling pints (stupid stato laws) – I needed to get my drank on.

That is unacceptable!

Anyway I could go on and list reasons why I shouldn’t attend another Kenyan Hanye but as serious researcher in everything that has Maximum Mwenjoyo Potential…

I will see you at the next hanye for further observations…good times!

p.s – we are in this…

6 thoughts on “Reasons I might never attend another Kenyan Hanye

  1. Thats why you come to the club sipped.

    Or be there early enough to order pints….


  2. yaani u still sumbuana with those kenyan hengs in DC. Me I do them like twice a year like a dentist appointment

  3. @Movie Buff, somehow I always plan to do so but never make it early.

    At least am on top of the juiced before going out part.

    @Udi – I think I will follow that regimen, 3 times a year max.

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