The Music: there are several staple Kenyanese songs that you will ALWAYS hear at every hanye. Kenyan DJ’s have a secret arrangement with some artists to always play their songs.
Another thing Kenyan DJ’s believe…a song has to be popular first before they can spin it at a hanye. This means that they will NEVER play an unheard of song – no matter how good it is.
The Crowd: same ol’ same ol people…asking the same questions – you giving them the same answers. Its so redundant and choreographed.
Then the ChiMami’s – everyone knows that a Hanye is not the best place to pick up wifey material.
Hanyes were created purely for 1 night stand career artists when no Mother Hen is on duty that particular night.
I cannot explain how much some of these mamas at Kenyan Hanyes fascinate me; this goes back to the IT factor.
Yani a Chic will wear a skimpy dress, uncordinated make up and a LV look alike bag hanging from her shoulder and all of a sudden she has the audicity to think she is the Next Kenyan Hanye Sawa Chic!
Sometimes a jamaa might say hi to you without wanting to find out if whether what is between your legs is grade-A K. Chema chajiuza, kibaya chajitembeza
And then you wonder how you are single at 29, shortly thereafter you downgrade your maringo and start gawia-ing jamaas ovyo ovyo. I will say a Prayer!
Anyway back to reasons I shouldn’t go to another Kenyan Hanye…
Oh yes, the venues
I am a firm believer that good times are achieved if and only if T is ≤ 2 M from IOP.
T – Time
M – Minutes
IOP – Initial order for Pints
Your local Wanjiku should never take more than 2 minutes from the time you make your Initial Order for Pints to have a cold beer or your favorite social lubricant in front of you.
Last time I went out it took me more so long to get my IOP honored that the club stopped selling pints (stupid stato laws) – I needed to get my drank on.
That is unacceptable!
Anyway I could go on and list reasons why I shouldn’t attend another Kenyan Hanye but as serious researcher in everything that has Maximum Mwenjoyo Potential…
I will see you at the next hanye for further observations…good times!
p.s – we are in this…