Marriage, Watoto and Du Rag’s

A beautiful wedding is a breath of fresh air and a new beginning to a lifetime of joy. Babies especially a beautiful one like my good friend’s daughter are adorable. One day I think I will need one of each; or maybe just 1 wedding and two watotos.

I have always argued with myself that if my first marriage doesn’t work out, I should accept defeat and stay bachelor for life. I don’t want to be one of those jungu couples who the huzie is on the 3rd marriage and the wifey is a divorcee with three children, none from the previous 4 marriages.


How are you expected to take anyone seriously if they insist on wearing sunglasses at night and their accessories include a du rag, a face towel and a permanent ‘what the fuck are you looking at’ look.

I fikad this joint during the weekend that clearly made me feel like a punk. And never get it twisted 3N can always hold his own and this is in no reference to the bout I won at a refugee camp on our way to Wajir.

Ka ni Mbaya ni Mbaya – lakini not at the place we were and not on this particular night. I have to admit that at this joint, I had resigned at being man handled by at least 99 percent of the dudes and 4.5 percent of the mamas.

A mama who saggs and has two friends (read bitches) around her is no match for 3N. She wins, unless of course anataka kunigawia and you jua I don’t cheza when it comes to SBJ.

It is important in life to know your personel and when it comes to street fighting; There is gangsta, and then there is ghetto gangsta.

Many a men have been rendered breathless by confusing which category they belong to.

And who said it is okay to grab a beach sized towel and bring to the club as your sweat wiping gear? Si you at least kata it in four and save your mother some money?

I tell you Ghetto Fabolous deserves a TV channel by itself.


And speaking of the wrong place, have you ever been in a bathroom and wondered how an international airport would make a men’s bathroom and not see the need to install a urinal? I have and after concluding that they might be idiots, I finished my business and veered to the sink to wash my hands.

As I was washing my hands and minding my own business I thought I saw in the mirror what seemed to be like a woman zooming behind me past the sinks and heading straight for the door. But you know some jungu jamaaz have long hair so I thought, no biggie.

Then two other women came out of stalls with puzzled looks and it finally dawned on my stupid ass; I was in the wrong bathroom. I didn’t even dry my hands, I kimbiad out immediately laughing with fading giggles of the two women in the rear.

Oh, I got to make and consume bloody goat muturas….and nothing is better than a mutura hot off the grill, especially if your have had the privilidge of meeting the goat while it still ate grass. As a maker and consumer I have to warn you though, mutura eating can be tricky.

The thing is that you never know how your intestinal gods will welcome it. I have on many occasions been made a frequent visitor of the men’s bathroom as certain goats are known to carry a blood type that clearly disagrees with 3N’s O type.

Lucky for me this particular goat had good blood and I was in the women’s bathroom only for a Numero Uno.

Finally cheers to the newlyweds and good luck in their marriage.

17 thoughts on “Marriage, Watoto and Du Rag’s

  1. Women’s bathroom? That Ghetto Fabulousness must have confused you kabisa.

    Mutura just can’t be beat!

  2. LOL…save you mama some chumes…ROFLMBAO…only you mi dear!
    I’ve been to the wrong bathroom I had to pee real bad and didn’t think twice. YES, confession I actually enjoyed the cleanliness so much so that I still frequent if in the area…
    I need to learn the art of mutura eating!

  3. LOL kumbe you have recovered from the pissed on’s choke job?

    salute the King…

    Now…lets read the post.

  4. ha ha at mutiple Ghetto levels,

    about you going to the wrong bathroom…”Wanna get away…?” ha ha that southwest commercial is so apt.

  5. mwangi ulikuwa fao alafu ukapotea, what it do?

    @egm that Ghetto Fabulousness was out of this world. Maybe you should go undercover and unleash pictures coz I do not see any gangsta holding a poze while EGM adjusts his camera.

    @quintessense, I love your guts, you know its the wrong bathroom and you keep using it. I couldn’t pull that off.
    I hope you have eaten mutura before, if not you need to ASAP. its a different taste lakini ni tamu vibaya.

    @msanii – story za job, I try to wacha them at jobo…can’t let them ruin my weekend.

    and you know that’s exactly what my bro’s chile asked ‘wanna get away’?

  6. lol, in ghetto fabulous. sometimes a jamaa is a baba nani, and I am bila words on his behavior! have u watched wife swap? vile the akatas are always stressing about hair, clothes and make-up?

  7. You are too funny…ati a beach size towel to wipe themselves..LOL!!! If there is only one stall in the ladies bathroom and there is a line, I will go to the men’s bathroom without hesitation!!! Men don’t seem to mind!!!

  8. LMAO!.. that was entertaining. I have fun @ the wedding. I loved the look on your face when you came out of the women’s bathroom. Priceless!

  9. @Majonzi – I have watched wife swap, they should switch a suburb American family with a ghetto fab one. That would be something to see.

    @Princess, of course men don’t mind but I would warn you to be careful. Only use single stall men bathroom that are lockable – there are too many psychos out there.

    @Chatterly – see me kando, I will direct you to a good place to get mutura.

    @pikei – ati I had a look when I left the women’s? I thought I was shten like nothing had happened…:)

    @msaniixl, yaani it’s a Wednesday morning at 9:40 and I was having a very good day so far and then what does Msanii do, bring the Pistons story…

    Those falaz have pissed me off, I can’t even think sports clearly. How do they loose to Cleveland? How??

    But maybe I will take comfort in seeing Timmy and Spurs manhandle the TEAM I NOW HATE MOST = CLEVELAND.

  10. pikei – are you trying to earn yourself a permanent ban on 3Nspeaks?

    kwanza I am about to write a Lebron sucks post.

    Go Spurs

  11. mutura is just the best thing God sent man! and yes, i learnt the art of eating that stuff..first the bloodier the better-read, healthy goat..the darker the meat, take care-sam fishy with that goat..maaan i want!!!

    now ati some1 bebas a ka taulo ati for jipanguzaing kwa club?jist ama comment!

  12. @betty, you would fit very well with my goat eating family tradition. Nothing tastes better than a good mutura. Where are you @, I can FedEx you one, lol.
    And on the beach sized taulo, that is just ghetto shadiness. Apparently though, it is socially acceptable to carry a small face towel to the club.

    Msanii and Pikei, let’s see what y’all will be saying after Cleveland loses the first two at Spurs and the first one at the Q

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