I) That all men are created equal
a) From the holiest of men (Pope) to the richest (Gates) to any man on earth (even your local beggar); none in their sane mind can ever lay claim to more than 2 balls as his personal belongings.
Of course after creation we each choose our own paths hence a pope, gates, a beggar, wesley pipes (don’t google this at work) all claim membership to ManHood.
II) That we will never be biaches
a) We thank God for taking time to make us who we are and we denounce any man (and I use the term loosely) who defies nature and ever submits his resume for an open biach position.
To this point, we have been conducting research that will without doubt classify he-biaches as aliens.
III) We cannot be trusted
a) Because of conflict due to being endowed with two brains coupled with an innate inability to decide which one to obey; we are due to make erroneous judgment whenever the said brains conflict.
b) It is therefore in the breast interest of all women to keep an eye on their man.
IV) Our priorities in life are God, Women, Sports, Food & Money in order related only to time and nature of need.
a) Example: Company downsizing, God; Sunday Afternoon, Sports & Food (beer included); anytime other than when Sports & God are involved, Sex…I mean woman; at all times, Money is welcome.
V) Logic prevails over emotions.
a) Never has it been concluded via quantifiable scientific research that ‘just because’ or phrases like ‘I don’t feel like it’ are just and logical answers to any question.
Men ask logical questions and expect in return logical answers.
2007 Amendments – effective upon reading:
I) We declare our independence from the independent woman.
a) We men of the two balls & brains fame will never be anyone’s toy to use and abuse. We will never be Chips Funga!
II) We welcome independent women as equal partners in any union
a) A simple mind might read this as a conflict of the previous amendment but they must not. This is to say that we expect to be treated or mistreated by any independent woman as we would in return mistreat them.
III) We are not going anywhere
a) Rumors are spreading that with the technology that we created we will become museum pieces. I warn thee all women, we are here to stay. Even if you take harsh measures as these!
No sperm bank can recreate the joy and/or uselessness that any grown man can offer, please bear with us as we are here to stay!