A Malicious Rumor

Notes from the weekend:

Ghanaians can throw a good party. Food, free drinks, great venue, etc. Meanwhile Kenyans can really, really, drink. At this rate it will not be long before we are infamously refered to as a Drinking Nation.

You know how if wezis come to your house and someone screams and then the neighbors pick it up to alert the whole village? Well jm proved over the weekend that he could be a valuable screaming neigbor. I will skip a lot of the details for his privates, I mean privacy. It was a drunken moment, she was pinching hard and holding and he was wailing at the top of his lungs. It will take a few days before he can resume normal duties…lol.

Random Vibe:

It’s finally here, my friends wedding of which I will be in line up is on Sato. I can’t say I am excited, not really a ceremony person but I am excited for him and the wife to be. If I get married (and trust me it’s a long shot) I think I will try to get my wife to accept us doing a casual wedding. Like on the beach and everyone is dressed in beach wear and the bridal party dons on white, no dress clothes…like a hippie wedding with a touch of Kenyan and no weed.

Ok maybe a little ganja to ease the tension…we will see.

Stories za bachelor party. What are the rules here, can someone touch but not indulge? What if say you are the bachelor and you are receiving an all-nude lap dance and then the lap dance agent brings her pinky to your face; are you supposed to look away or honor the mandated universal men code & taste her goodies? Isn’t there an understanding that someone is allowed to cheat for 1 last time during their bachelor’s party before getting hitched, ama it’s my own malicious rumor?

Anyway I don’t know about all that, haven’t been a financee yet, but I will tell you this much, if my wife says its okay as long as she gets to do the same thing, forget the whole cheating bachelor party agenda. Nothing could possibly be more upsetting than the thought of another man previewing your wife right before your wedding.

Think about this if you were stopped at night in Nai just after jumping a fence, holding a plastic bag and shouting at your friend, not to mention you have a lit cigarrete and just threw the empty packet of gaffs on the ground; how much would you need to bribe a city kanjo officer to avoid a night at central?

Why hasn’t ODM promised that Nairobi will be warmer and tremors will not pass the Kenya / TZ boundaries once they are elected to the posts of president (1), prime minister (1), deputy prime ministers (2), vice presidents (2) ,assistant vice presidents (4) deputy prime minsters (4)…do we have all the presidential aspirants covered yet, No?…. in that case one final position, general deputy pm/vp (2)?

Will you do me a favor and have yourself a warm and non flooded week? Keep the faith people.

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16 thoughts on “A Malicious Rumor

  1. Lool ati JM was doing what…hehee

    Its always gr8 2 be chosen 2 be in the lineup. U dont want 2 know wht happens in a bridal shower so for the bachelor’s party keep the secrets 2 urself ama all hell will break loose…western union the cake

  2. I can’t understand the being arrested for shouting- not that I can understand the others.Lakini let me ask( and I have directly translated that one) what if my voice is just NATURALLY LOUD?Should I shout softly?

    Alaafu you had to go to a Ghanian party to find out that Kenyans can drink? Alot? Ama lot was reltive up until this point.

    Off to check the water levels outside the house!

  3. Miss Unyc, I will western union a piece to you. Ati what happens in bridal showers…si you spill the beans?

    In that case should both the bachelor and bajelorlette assume the other will do the worst in their respective nights, do the same or worse?

  4. wee …3N … y r u spreading malicious rumours ?

    But on the real ave neva been pinched like that … chik must be ex-flying squad … my nini still hurts from the experience …

  5. Dude, we ARE a drinking nation! Pubs in SA close by 1am, us guys couldn’t understand why coz we’re used to drinking till the sun comes up, so when the barman shouts “last call for alcohol!” you’d see Kenyans dashing for the counter to buy kedo 5 beers each and kadhaa tequilas, sex on the beach, blowjobs, bob marleys, stroh rum and what have you. Then from there we fight with the barman when he decides to throw us out.

    Ati Mwas you were pinched where?? Mpaka you screamed? Ebu give us the 411 in a rush! Kabla a new story is formulated.
    But first take roll call to confirm that she didn’t ponyoka with a nut.

    3N, what goes down at a bachelor’s party STAYS at the bachelor’s party. That’s why no cameras are allowed. Ukitaka kuvuka na burungo, that’s yours. Ask no questions, hear no lies. That’s the policy. And don’t even think of what goes down at the bachelorette’s bash. It’s the last night of singlehood so anything goes. Kwani you’re marching into a room full of stripers with your “morals” and “principles” in tow? Those ones you leave them at the door and collect them on your way out!

  6. @3TOC, would kanjo officers be given decibel machine or would they use common sense to measure level of loudness?

    I knew they (we) drink a lot but its now becoming apparent that it’s national problem.

    @jm, you better chuck the story otherwise people like mwanamishale will start drafting their version of the pinc/wail episode.

    3TOC, it isn’t a story…this actually happened but I will leave JM to post about his pain.

    @archer, lSi you assume the worst and formulate a storo for JM’s wailing?

    Ask no questions, hear no lies, AMEN. With this in mind, I believe I am ready to get married.

    btw are there strip joints in Nai legal or illegal?

  7. Of course they’re illegal but there are some very timam under-pundez strip joints, their reputation spreads by word of mouth. You come I introduce you to Janet & Maria, two of the finest strippers anywhere on the planet. I’m hiring them very soon for a boys night in.

  8. Its only in kenya and zambia where we catch pints till morning and keep going especially my people LOL
    Am with you on the casual weddings if ever.
    JM, toboa ama guest blogger gets to work.

  9. @archer- loooool but not too loud for city folks to arrest me.”you are walking into a room full of stripers with your principles and morals”in tow.That was funny.

  10. And that’s why in Durban at the Kenyan owned restaurant/Bar, the doors close but Kenyans continue to drink to their fill. Entry is however restricted after 1am. Wa ndani wa ndani wa nje wa nje.

  11. It looks like you will have to unleash that ‘rumour’ yourself.
    You have to honour the code what happens at a stag/hen night remains there forever!!!.
    Yes there are strip joints in Kenya I’m not sure if they are legal or not since i believe the law did not anticipate them therefore there is no specific law againist them so as Archer says word of mouth!

  12. LOL @ Mwas storo..lakini ungetoboa yote!!! Ati casual weddings?? LOL..
    Mbona unaingililia ODM-K hivyo??

  13. @archer, don’t joke; I am holding you up on that offer.

    @JM, tagged for what?

    @gishungwa didn’t know Zambians are also alkis. JM is shying away and I tell you once we do a collabo with guest blogger, he will only have himself to blame.

    @Bomseh, Durban then sounds like my local bar where my pals and I have convinced the owner to keep it open till morning promising to drop him home.
    The long benches and school themed tables might be the only difference.

    @Kirima, you had potead for a while. So the strip clubs where at thou?
    Will the word of mouth please send me the address, time…etc of their operations?

    And are there towns with juicier strippers, how is embu?

    @Klara, I see you still have a soft spot for ODM….when will they get their act together? Isn’t the election less than 5 months away?

    For mwas storo, I am patiaing him until leo jioni if he will not come forward then I will toboa the truth and nothing but the truth.

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