Career Change

There is nothing worse than a bastard child! Everyone pretends to joke with it and offer kind words to the mother but in the alleys of each gossip village; people are exchanging riddles on who the child’s father is and what a disgrace the mother has brought to their family.

Fast forward to 2007 and a new generation of bastard children are roaming the streets with their proud mothers following suit and loudly professing; “a man for what? I can raise my own children without the baggage that comes with a good for nothing man”

Great stuff I say! Nothing wrong with a planned or for that matter unplanned bastard child. Neither child contributed to their status and thus should be treated well and loved. Good for the mothers and even better for the children.

I had quite an interesting discussion about this bastard children business with a work mate the other day and I learned the following:

  1. Women nowadays tend to prefer non-physical contact when it comes to man-less impregnation. As in wanataka sperm yenye iko kwa lab and is labeled “Grade A, No Emotional or Physical Contact Required”
  2. The average cost of adoption in the US of A is close to $20,000
  3. The average male has millions of sperm.


Knowing quite well that I am slightly above average in many things including sperm count I have come up with the following conclusion.

If I offer a 75% discount (off the adoption price) for each future bastard child and stay in the male breeding profession for approx 5 years, I could be looking at a hefty payday and retirement by early 30’s.

So its $5000 X 120 Children per year (hata kama I carry millions, si zote Grade A!) x Five Years (i estimate this is the average career cycle for a Male Breeder) = $ 3,000,000 as in KES 195 MILLION!

Obviously there is a downside to every lucrative project but I tell this downside is actually an upside. If I ever run for MP; don’t you think 600 guaranteed votes couldn’t tilt the election my way? You think if akina Raila and Kalonzo knew about this project hawangeanza kitambo?

So I have decided long hours at this 26 story plantation in front of an ever fading monitor are over. Taking nonsensical orders that I often ignore from higher up’s will now be replaced with afternoon delights on the beach vacationing kirima like 6 days a week.

I hope the clinic will accept my schedule: Wednesday 10:30 am to Noon, I am certain I won’t even need all that time.

So my good friends, let me head to the nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic. Wish me Luck!

16 thoughts on “Career Change

  1. Good luck!!!! I’ll be the guy trying to beat you to that PPC

    challenges are welcome but cautiously warned

  2. MMmmmmh do they buy Ova at the same cost?

    i really doubt it, lol…am researching it right now….

  3. how do you plan to keep track of the sad kids?

    Having said that your business proposal sounds solid. Good luck.

    first they won’t be sad kids…they will be pretty happy. the trick I will use is keeping track of the first 12-20 kids and then they keep track of the next 12-20 of their siblings…etc. a chain of responsibility from Father/Mothers to last child

  4. Can I be on the list for freebies??? On the serious, I was convicted that thats how I wanted to bring my child/ren into existance. As I grow older and wiser I’m beginning to reconsider esp. as I see the downfall to such a seemingly lucrative (for some) affair….
    @Wanja…Ova can be sold but I think you have to be under 28/30 or some crap like that

    for you Q, freebies of the highest quality is guaranteed. and how much is this ova going for?

  5. how, how did I become number 7- where were all these people. there was no-one in the Q when I got here. Kina klara hala? But Kip, yaani you I wouldn’t expect you to wait your turn, uli-ruka Q.Atii number 7?How. I demand a recount.

    Nii my engrish, I meant to write the “said” kids, not sad, Lakini sii ni TOMATO-TOMETO ama?

    I am liking your idea, do you need a cashier ama project manager of sorts- yaani to keep the books in order!

    of course I need a project manager and I know you will serve very well. i won’t afford to pay you for the first few months (cost of setting up business) but later you get 20% per.

  6. hehe sawa wacha i relaSk and when am back with a bang am joining you on WP..paliiiiz i’ve lied!!

    Wanja kihii..haiiiya even you you’re looking at the chumz?lool was about to ask the same thing.

    3N..great idea! go and while you’re there ebu get info for me and Wanja about the ovas $$..ulete reporti.

    I tell you WP is taamu. I have not gotten the info yet, my bet is that the demand for Ova is not high in the market. let us all like 3TOC support my project and then think of new ones

  7. LOL….good luck!

    Si thats all you wanted!

    thanks mocha, I will also need prayers and a startup fund which you can contribute to in $$

  8. I was strolling huku blogosphere and I thought I should stop by for a courtesy call. Aiii!!!! hamna hata kahawa chungu?

    Haya basi, bora you reserve some of that for me. I might be needing it in a couple of years and by the sound of it, you might be running low in a short while.

    i am reserving some and there is no running low….nitakuwekea grade A

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