There is nothing worse than a bastard child! Everyone pretends to joke with it and offer kind words to the mother but in the alleys of each gossip village; people are exchanging riddles on who the child’s father is and what a disgrace the mother has brought to their family.
Fast forward to 2007 and a new generation of bastard children are roaming the streets with their proud mothers following suit and loudly professing; “a man for what? I can raise my own children without the baggage that comes with a good for nothing man”
Great stuff I say! Nothing wrong with a planned or for that matter unplanned bastard child. Neither child contributed to their status and thus should be treated well and loved. Good for the mothers and even better for the children.
I had quite an interesting discussion about this bastard children business with a work mate the other day and I learned the following:
- Women nowadays tend to prefer non-physical contact when it comes to man-less impregnation. As in wanataka sperm yenye iko kwa lab and is labeled “Grade A, No Emotional or Physical Contact Required”
- The average cost of adoption in the US of A is close to $20,000
- The average male has millions of sperm.
Knowing quite well that I am slightly above average in many things including sperm count I have come up with the following conclusion.
If I offer a 75% discount (off the adoption price) for each future bastard child and stay in the male breeding profession for approx 5 years, I could be looking at a hefty payday and retirement by early 30’s.
So its $5000 X 120 Children per year (hata kama I carry millions, si zote Grade A!) x Five Years (i estimate this is the average career cycle for a Male Breeder) = $ 3,000,000 as in KES 195 MILLION!
Obviously there is a downside to every lucrative project but I tell this downside is actually an upside. If I ever run for MP; don’t you think 600 guaranteed votes couldn’t tilt the election my way? You think if akina Raila and Kalonzo knew about this project hawangeanza kitambo?
So I have decided long hours at this 26 story plantation in front of an ever fading monitor are over. Taking nonsensical orders that I often ignore from higher up’s will now be replaced with afternoon delights on the beach vacationing kirima like 6 days a week.
I hope the clinic will accept my schedule: Wednesday 10:30 am to Noon, I am certain I won’t even need all that time.
So my good friends, let me head to the nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic. Wish me Luck!