a sight to behold

I swear if I see another memorable joke on KBW, I will be forced to throw up all over this too green for me website. Kwani this unmemorable joker has an unlimited supply of jokes? anyway wacha ni wachane na wengine, I have my own samaki to karanga.

Recap: White Water Rafting.

There is a reason they call it White Water Rafting….you will find out later. The jist of rafting is that they put you on a tube-like boat and give each person a wooden stick and a jungu instructor who goes by the name “chicken head”.

Then they let you free into the heart of the river. In hindsight I would recommend that before your rafting session begins, hold hands together and each person takes a minute to get on the good side of their maker.

You will need it.

So we were off and this chicken head was clever because he first took us to calm waters and went through some practice sessions:

Two strokes to the right

Two strokes backwards

Faster, faster, all at once

Stop:

3 strokes forward

2 back…etecetera

If i am not mistaken some of the gals in our boat might have not been getting wet from the water alone….lakini hiyo ni story ya siku iingine.

I am here to tell you my friends, do NOT think that you can control a river with back and forward strokez instructions given by chicken head, NEVER! In fact after observing how a river can change it’s mood and swallow it’s sense of humor, I have decided never to enter in a pool of anything.

Hata kama mamawatoto anataka tuiingie hot tub, I will pass. Instead I will be on the outside of the tub pouring hot water on my self with a ka bucket like those ones we used to take to boarding school.

Anyway….

Half way through the river we were approaching a monster current and since I had masterfully conquered the past 3, I was beaming with confidence and even ignoring some of Chicken Head’s instructions. He warned us though; “this is where we usually lose a rafter”

As we approached the current I noticed the river was not responding to the stokez I was giving it with my wooden stick. It just laid there with a look of ‘are you kidding me?”. And being from the clan that I am from, I stroked harder and faster and in unison with the other rafters. But this only seemed to anger the river more, and without warning it unleashed a strong current that saw the front of our raft boat waaay high in the sky and the other half of the boat waaay down in the waters.

Does anyone remember when Jesus said that happy are those who sit in the back for they shall be brought forward? (or something of the sort…); I now know he must have been on a rafting trip with akina Peter and Paul.

So me being the jamaa of kimbele mbele and forgetting one of Jesus teachings I sat in the front of the boat and when it was thrown wayy up I joined for the ride flying huko in the air gasping for oxygen as if I was one of the rafters who were now deep in the waters practicing survival 101.

Oh was I wrong to panic early, my time in the water was yet to come.

You see they say what goes up must come down and they don’t joke, laws of gravity applied with speeds that could have made Sir. Newton blush. In one swift swing of the boat I was reversed to the ground, head with helmet first into the river and attending an unnplanned whole body baptism.

I immediately retreated to my peaceful place and did several signs of the cross. Panic mode was now in full session. The same approach I hold to running; I only swim when threatened with death hence the reason I had insisted on wearing two life jackets and an over sized helmet to match.

Now imagine a mid twenty something kondose like me in a river with two life jackets and an oversized yellow helmet covering his spectacled face:

yelling the following:

Woooooiiiiii

Mwathani jesu

Mutindeithie

Ngai fafa

Woooooiiiiii

Mwikuuu…andu aitu.

Woooooiiiiii

Loosely translated; Seriously HELP NOW…there is no memorable joke here!!!!

Lucky for me chicken head had a kind soul and threw a long rope at me which I used to pull myself back to the boat.

*sighs*

Long story short, I have white water rafted and I learned the following.

Water = Enemy

Gauge River ≠ Gitathuru

White Water Rafting is only for White People OR Black folks who have made peace with their maker.

Random Quotes:

  • “I will smack you all the way to horniness” – anonymous
  • “it would have been much easier if you had let me know from the beginning that you are an idiot!” – chicken head
  • “did any of them touch you inappropriately?” – Mary to Jesus after she found out the boy had been hiding at the temple for 3 days.
  • “anyone seen a copy of Vision 2030?” – Raila in his first cabinet meeting as Kenya’s 4th president.

3TOC nime-update sasa, now stop driving and thinking out loud, lol.

Good Weekend Everyone.

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20 thoughts on “a sight to behold

  1. LMAO. I see mama watoto has made you start doing white people stuff. You need to gichungi some of the events you do nowadays. ati white water rafting. You have jokos my guy

    you guys with akina mumbi need to rerax on mamawatoo you will give her more syke and who knows next time I will be bungee jumping?

  2. ROFLMAO!!!!! aiiii!!!! I cannot stop laughing. Easily…. the funniest thing I’ve heard in awhile.

    Hata bath tub you’re avoiding? Kweli you were traumatized (lol!!!)

    You know what they say about black dudes and water.

    i thought I was traumatized before, now I know for sure….ati what do they say about black dudes and water?

  3. LOL…funny shit, i fear huge masses of water like nonsense.

    oh and you right about that memorable jokes cat, I mean slow down potna…we like to laugh as much as the next man but cot damn can we breath in between the jokes? maybe?

    i see there a lot of folks not laughing with memorable jokes, tutaanza campaign shortly to allow only a few jokes per day….he wants to kill us with laughter? sitaenda hivyo

  4. Great post man still ROTFL! 2 life jackets? Heheheh!! Those quotes rock!

    yes, 2 life jackets and I still was screaming like a little….

  5. SALALA, this was worth the wait. I am on the floor for a while!!!!!!!!!
    Crossing the legs as I read kwani what is this,LOL. Ebu go again, I may need to laugh like this one more time.

    at random quotes number two- was chicken head adressing someone we know?ebu defend yourself.

    the random quotes- iiiiiiiissssssshhhhh too funny

    kwanza chicken head was looking at mamawatoto funny…he must have wanted me to drown so that he takes over 3N household. glad I made one of the crazies laugh

  6. Tehehhehhheeeee! This was a funny one. Wachia wazungu vitu vyao. And oh, how I agree with you on the endless Memorable jokes…

    thx for stopping by….laughter is very good in preventing old age and seriousness.

  7. Dude i would love to hear you scream for you mama! Next time chukua video!

    aaii hapana, a video would have rendered my manhood useless. what i will do i will consult with mamawatoto and then next time there is a screaming session we can invite you…does that work for you?

  8. LOL! I am really laughing out loud at this one I would be with you screaming my head off also.
    (don’t mention Memorable jokes I will start screaming at that too)

    kumbe pia wewe you are afraid of water, i am keeping count on who not take on a cruise…just in case I need a rescuer

  9. As i have always said the most water i can stand is bathtub full. FG, i would love to hear you scream. LMAO too funny. Memorable Jokes need an aside.

    hata hiyo bathtub, wacha ikae. i would also love to hear FG scream.

  10. LOL!! Ati u screaming! LOL
    Bt I would definitely be screaming too, I watch guys do that & I wonder if I can have that courage!
    Am still trying to zoom in that pix…

    if you zoom in enough you can see shame on my face….ok that’s a mzungu down in the waters but I will have pics sometime soon

  11. Two life jackets did someone tell you moja will pasuka ama? How many times did you blink? Still LOLing. Lovely weekend.

    you can never be certain so just like CD’s tumia mbili. lovely weekend to you too

  12. LMAO!!! Dude, pia mimi am not comfortable with pools of water! Lakini bathtub mimi nitaingia…..

    beware not all bathtubs are created equal, some are deeper than others

  13. Never thought of you as a “kiguoya”, Water Rafting is exhilarating…Two Lifejackets ,oversized helmet and prayers to boot, …….pole sana dadi, can i deduce you did not Bungee jump or jump from the cliff?

    in fact you were always correct I am not a ‘kiguoya’ but I will keep away from any body of water that covers my knees. na hii baaanjiii jumping what is the point. si if i want to commit murder on myself i will just meza “marathiioni”

  14. LMAO

    kwanza on the pic im seeing a dude already out of the raft. but at least you had fun.

    Dude our of raft——>That’s Me, can’t you see the oversized yellow helmet? but yeah it was much fun

  15. ROFLMBAO, you are too funny its over man. I did this a year and some’ ago and ENJOYED to the fullest…must admit called my makers name a few times!!

    it’s quite an experience, loads of fun and enough prayers

  16. How could I not enjoy my weekend when I’m already laughing like so?

    glad to be of service, now I send you off to happier times and a good weekend

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