Dear Saliva

Have you ever wondered what the true taste of saliva is?

Ever stopped short of swallowing saliva and questioned where this juicy fluid comes from, if it has any relatives (pare, pare), how many children it gives birth to daily.

How long it stays before it gets cold, bitter or juicier. Do you even know whether your saliva taste the same as everyone else’s?

Is it scientifically feasible to derive a global saliva index (GSI) based on elements such as race, gender, sense of humor, political affiliations, height, weight, color of socks…etcetera?

Are you aware that saliva is 98% water and your body spits 1-2 liters of this precious fluid in your mouth everyday?

How would you feel if you were saliva; part of everybody’s daily life, and yet no one, NO ONE, talks about you?

Unlike Al Gore, I stand up for the unappreciated and underrepresented even though they might not be as sexy as Global Warming or Somalian Refugees.

It is thus my honor and privilege to take this moment and give kudos to Saliva, please join me.

Dear Saliva,

It is with moist, warm and sweet feeling in mouth that I write you today. My dear saliva, I want you to know that I appreciate you and even though the rest of humanity keeps mum on your great attributes, I stand up to salute you.

Saliva, I cannot begin to tell you how much you mean to me. You soften the landing of one too many spicy Indian dishes. You turn dry nyama choma or Xs ‘blackened’ meat to swallowable portions of nutrition.

You accord mahindi ya barabarani the same respect that you accord a cold pilsner served at the suggested retail price.

My dear saliva, I promise to treat you better. I have sworn off kuota and ugali and karai samaki and vowed that from now on, I promise to eat only from Mama Njeri’s butchery where the meat is succulent and the ugali is of favorable conditions.

Saliva, I know how tasking a job it is to be responsible for my dietary needs as well as the rigorous extra curricular activities i occasionally demand of you.

You have been key in jump-starting his and hers sessions of heavy petting, some of which would make Fr. Mukaya advise those involved not to bother repenting.

You have mingled with salivas of the opposite sex; always welcoming and accommodating without ever hesitating even when there might have been a monetary exchange; you have never been one to judge.

My dear, I want you to know that even though you are readily available for free, you are the fuel that drives my soul and I would be nothing without you.

Please forgive me for taking too long to say hello, thank you and continue watering down my mouth and guiding all kind of delicacies down my body.



11 thoughts on “Dear Saliva

  1. LMAO…..aki I didnt see this one coming!!!

    Did you know some people are poisoned by their own spit???

    Next week…..why we pee and shit and why some people find pee nutritious!!! LMAO!

  2. 3N put down and QUICKLY BACK AWAY from whatever it is you are consuming.
    And I know people who constantly talk about saliva and it’s uses and what it consists of and where it comes from. DENTISTS.

    And you are right, saliva is VERY important. Ask a person who suffers from dry mouth………..they will tell you.They are sometimes advised to walk around with a bottle of water and there is medication for the condition. Google xerostomia.

    3toc you know who is more crazier, the person who researches xerostomia.

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