I have always read with little interest the phenomenon of older rich women going for younger guys. Cougars as they are now being referred to have become a viable option for younger men dealing with PMS (Permanent Money Shortages).
As good as this new fad sounds; I am approaching with caution as I have never been the kind to jump into every new fad. I never got an ipod, didn’t join the infamous Kimunyaing (alleged thievery) pyramids, and I am yet to trade in my 1pac for killer ABS. I am a simple man with simple goals, I give my job the same effort they give on my paycheck. I love long walks on the beach, candle light dinners, romantic cruises, the opera….all in the deepest of my dreams.
A cold beer a day to keep worries away, a healthy diet and great sex. Just the simple necessities that a man needs to live a full life!
But what happens when life does not cooperate? How is a young man supposed to deal with consistent money shortages while the price of gas, movie tickets and even the price of one packet of Hostess insist on heading the wrong direction at an alarmingly intolerable rate?
How does one infuse life into an account that is surely heading to the UN for donations?
I have thought of relieving a bank of their deposits – a premature withdrawal – if you may, but I could not guarantee that it wouldn’t land me in an 6 x 6 steel bar resort for the permanently incarcerated. I don’t know who fancies spending their Sunday evenings humming….
‘nearer my God to thee, nearer to thee’
“What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! ”…
…as one larger than life Tyrone aka ‘Life with No chance of Parole’ readies himself to convert someone’s son into an ‘ExVirgin’?
Jesu Mwathani, shindwe kabisa! (Jesus the Governor, defeat totally!)
So now I have settled into looking for a rich beautiful plastic surgically enhanced cougar, the nice MILF type. I will do my best to vumilia (tolerate?) strokes with her long enough until I can move the decimal point a few more spaces to the left.
I am accepting CV’s, photos, Facebook webpage and contacts for any lady who fits the bill. Please send contacts to milfs43N@gmail.com.
I have also signed up for Botox Anonymous meetings since I figure if a lady is dumb enough to insert fat from her own ass into her lips and cheeks for fuller lips and a permanent plastic smile – and pay shit loads of money for it – that my friends, is the lady of my dreams.
Ass kissing aside, I am ready to start on this project and show dust to gas prices. In the words of New York’s philosopher – 50 Cent – I better get rich or die f*cking…