Tiger Woods goes way over PER

Well well well….what do we have here? Do I see Tiger on the 19th with his driver out and multiple holes to go?

Oh yeah, its Tiger again finishing with a modest 2 over PER.

If you are not familiar with PER, it is a common phrase with menfolk that simply means one’s P*ssy Entitlement Ratio. Most men with or without their knowledge are assigned a PER 1.

A PER 1 simply means that your girlfriend or wife  has booked your woody for permanent domestication. In the case of Tiger, his Woody would be entitled to be in or near only one certain Swedish blond one.

They say man is to err and I mostly agree especially when it comes covering up his errs. There exists very few men who can consistently go over their assigned PER and neither get caught by their wives (Tiger); nor by wife & law (Kobe); or worst case scenario – wife, law and death (Steve McNair).

The risks always outweigh the 11 or so minutes of pleasure but men of all walks of life cannot help but succumb.

For Tiger he not only stands to lose the ‘perfect guy’ persona he has carefully cultivated over the years but he may not have the millions of dollars that come along with it.Not to mention the small matter of his certified PER 1 being temporarily off limits.

So what should Tiger do?

First and foremost, put Woody away. Accustom him to solo flights until PER 1 is warm enough to venture back in. Definitely forget away games for a long time!

Second and most important confess! To your wife first obviously but then to the public. Do not buy anyone’s BS who says ”you are entitled to your privacy’ . Unless of course you are satisfied with the current balance in your account plus yearly earnings on the golf course sans endorsements.

See, society’s behavior is akin to a preteen girl on her 4th red-bull at a Jonas brothers concert.We are excited, we will overreact, we demand answers now, we will make snap judgments but eventually will forget and or get over it.

By confessing to adultery (avoid uttering ‘adultery’ during ‘teary sorry’ press conference) you will satisfy all our needs. Do not dare go Clinton on us…the truth is already out there, just confirm it.

Thirdly, give away money and time.

Oprah does this all the time and she hasn’t even been caught doing anything yet (not even Gayle). You will need to attend random charitable events and give generously. Attend marriage counseling and make sure the media follows you. Give your time to anyone who needs it other than PER 2, 3, etc.

Basically do your best Mother Theresa impression for a few months…trust me, it will all be worth it.

Finally, start winning and winning big. At tournaments be always several strokes a head. Win with defiance but find a way to always seem humble.

Remember, society doesn’t mind cheaters but it loathes cheaters who get caught and deny.

Good luck Tiger, you will need it.

14 thoughts on “Tiger Woods goes way over PER

  1. Hehehe.

    I was a bit worried at the beginning – the whole PER thing was rather annoying. But I like that the post is light, funny and sassy. Nice one!

  2. …woiyee Tiger … why cant he come out and say “I did it and it was good, am a man, I could not resist what is in my genes …”

    coz unlike most men he stands to lose hundreds of millions of dollars

  3. What a term? PER.

    All the same why is everyone oblivious that Tiger’s wife was abusive and violently acted towards him?

    unless Tiger confirms he was abused (which he wont) it remains speculation…but if he was abused then it changes the whole picture. Granted he has been cheating for a while perhaps before the abuse

  4. PER for men so that makes it WER for women eh?
    maybe he thought he could ignore it and it would go away, now he has to man up and deal with it. Poor bastard

  5. They’re crawling out of the woodword they are. It’s payday. All the extra curricular girls are cashing in – and the bruv doesn’t know where to put his head.

    Right now, he needs a spin doctor who will put him in front of a camera and confess all and apologize. Oprah would do a good enough job too. Most of all, he needs a good friend to give him some good advice and not a ‘management team’ that are on his payroll.

    Time to eat humble pie Tiger tiger.

  6. @Gish I think it would be DER *covers face*

    Excellent advise you have for Tiger 3N. He should be ok in a couple of months.

    the mistresses keep propping up, he should just chuck a list!

    About his wifey, if she indeed abused him, that’s just sad.
    BTW, why are women allowed to slap men and not vice versa? I’m tempted to think men are more physical than verbal so a well aimed slap would deliver better results than words?

    violence should not be allowed at all, I know if he was slapped and or clubbed he will never admit it.

    No, I’ve never slapped a human being.

  7. definately its payday for Tiger (Cheetah) Woods. It The endorsements he stands to loose are massive and hence his attempt to cover up but now that the lid has been blown its just getting messier and messier.
    You Must never putt in the wrong hole

    LOL @ putting in the wrong hole…nice one Kirima

  8. Some law says, “If your wife ain’t giving you none, you have a legal right to get some.” Tiger overdid his rights with too many PERs. There are very few men who don’t cheat. When Obama’s time comes, I will be the only one that won’t be surprised.

    Obama? Maybe after his presidency but if during he would surely be impeached and perhaps exiled, don’t put it past republicans

  9. LOL..very funny. But, I have to wonder why the media is hounding him so. Isn’t Shaq in the same boat right now? I’m sick of Tiger’s conquests, the media needs to move on to Shaq. His are funnier, with him dipping his fingers in his friends’ honey.

    Its becauseTiger carried himself perhaps unintentionally like he had no flaws. Its the same way Kobe was hounded yet people like Shaq have been cheating for a while

  10. Very good advice for tiger you got there.. but i still think he went overboard.. over 30 other mamas crawling out …? Aiii… ata kama ni kukua tiger…

    he def. went overboard, some of those mamas are just hoaxing for their 15 mins of fame

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