Briefs

Facebook is addictive.

It truly can be addictive, my one gripe so far is the stupid and or irrelevant status updates friends feel obligated to share. If your status update is neither interesting, funny nor worth a waste of the 12 precious seconds it takes to read it, please keep it to yourself.

You might find this surprising but even your friends do not give half a shit how many spoons of sugar you used in your coffee this morning. Unless of course the sugar was spiked and you got high on Xstasy, ended up eye-ing your boss and now you are in HR begging her not to file formal ‘unwanted sexual advances’ against you.

Now that I want to read.

Politics: Kenya 2012

As if Kenya didn’t suffer enough (post election violence) and isn’t politically unstable (convenience coalition of the greedy); new political alliances are sprouting up in preparation for 2012 elections.

The graves of innocent people killed in post election violence are still fresh and the image of our country in ruins torment the memory of each Kenyan and yet our leaders cannot stop salivating over 2012.

They have started to rekindle and cement tribal divisions just 1 year later and ride the wave to 2012. It is a great shame!

3N Reads

Yes I do and I have a few recommendations for anyone interested in good novels, if you’ve read them hope you enjoyed them as much as I did.

1.       Disgrace –  J. M. Coetzee

2.       A thousand splendid suns – Khaled Hosseini

3.       Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

4.       The Power of One – Bryce Courtaney

I picked up my first John Grisham (Playing for Pizza) this week and I am eager to see if I join the millions of Grisham fans. Feel free to recommend a novel as long as it’s not a lovey – duvy – mushy type or science fiction.

Sports

My heartfelt gratitude to Liverpool for their heavy spanking of Christina Ronaldo and his ManUseless crew. If not for anything else the win gives the rest of us a week of peace from the arrogance & gloating of ManU nation.

And all the best to Michigan State Univ Spartans as they venture into March Madness.  This is the year, Go Spartans!

Know your Africa:  Meet President Andry Rajoelina

  • Madagascar president -assumed office today via a generally peaceful populist uprising
  • 34 years of age, former DJ (he was spinning as recently as the early 2000’s) and just fired mayor of Antananarivo (the capital of Madagascar).
  • The young Andry has scheduled elections in 2011.

At the age of 34, we hope President DJ plans to retire early and doesn’t have the ‘president for life’ syndrome that continues to afflict so many of our leaders.

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African Ambassador

R.I.P, Lucky Dube

 

There lies a man who fought for equality
There lies a boy who died in his struggle
Can all these heroes die in vain
While we slash and kill our own brothers
Knowing that already they are the
Victims of the situation

 

Dear Kenyan Women

In the words of Kenya’s president…”Let there be competition, and may the best East African women win.”

Kibaki’s comment came in response to a group of Kenyan women expressing fear ahead of the formation of the East African Community that Ugandan women were bound to steal away Kenyan Men. Story iko hapa.

And I tell you my dear Kenyan women, Fear you should! Not only have we started accepting applications from Kampala and Dar, there is also a little country known as Rwanda and we have already sent our best scouts to give us the ratios of Waru to Chips to French Fry.

Kenyan women should by now be digging potholes and placing authentic Mungiki members along – the about to be busy – Nairobi/Kigali highway. Maendeleo Ya Wanawake propaganda machine should already be in high gear. And I fear that this time it will take more than a trip to Beijing to dissuade us. Oh, and can you please, please improve your website, our spies have been complaining!

I would not like anyone to ever quote me on this, but I hear that a night with a Kigali beauty is the equivalent of 2-4 nights with some of our very talented. Watch this space in the coming months for confirmation on the above rumor.

Anyway good luck to all women. We promise to discriminate on good looks, sense of humor, generosity, financial ability and O.S.P level.

P.S. To all men we are organizing a 1 week seminar on ‘Exploring New Territory’ at the Hotel Des Mille Collines, Kigali. Contact any of the organizing members JM, Kirima or Modo. For those attending please bring your Overall Sexual Performance evaluation (k)IT.

Save Darfur

By now everyone has seen campaigns by the Save Darfur and by the One organization. Attention to Darfur is obviously needed to stop the ongoing genocide. Celebrities and common folk alike are doing a commendable job by bringing this genocide to light.

And as much as their campaign is necessary, we cannot ignore the importance of a political solution in bringing this genocide to an end. The bottom line is that Sudan’s government has to be pressured to stop the genocide. A comprehensive UN led peace keeping force also has to be part and parcel of the solution.

I have had arguments regarding the responsibility of the West and China in Darfur. China holds financial keys to pressuring through sanctions because of its importance in Sudan export market. The US on the other hand remains a great influence on the toothless United Nations and their urge for action in Darfur would yield positive results.

Meanwhile I am left wondering out loud, where Africa and its leaders is in the time of need for Darfur.

Africa has been overlooked in its irresponsibility and lack of action when it comes to solving crisis on the continent. In my estimation African leaders and the AU should be up in arms demanding an end to this genocide. Instead Sudan even had the audacity to seek chairmanship of the AU while the Darfur crisis was ongoing.

In hindsight as much as the Rwandese genocide was blamed on non action by the UN and US, we (Africans) have to start taking our share of blame and responsibility.

Yes China and the US can put pressure on Bashir by imposing economic sanctions. And maybe the UN will put genocide in its list of priorities. But when will our dependence on foreign intervention ever end?

Africa and its problems will never be priorities in the governments of Asia and the West. The UN is an organ greatly influenced by the same Western and Asian powerful nation. Just note how quickly the UN enabled UNIFIL to combat the humanity crisis arising from the Israel-Lebanon conflict in 2006? Obviously through their inaction Southern Sudan is no Lebanon.

And when nearly a million innocent citizens in the Darfur region are raped, mutilated and killed; and while most of the world lays silent as another genocide occurs hardly a decade after the Rwanda; we, Africans must take action.

This genocide will not fall on the shoulders of foreigners. It is our continent, it is our responsibility.

Kibera: a new tourist attraction

As predicted earlier when Chris Rock became yet another celebrity to visit Kenya’s largest slum it has now deteriorated to a point where a company owned by a Kenyan is offering ‘slum tours’.

Ladies and Gentlemen Maasai Mara is out, Kibera is in!

For those who feel empty; so blessed while the rest of the world is suffering; gather your pity filled backpack and head to the great Kibera slum.

“For where else can one see it all in one simple stop? The Aids victims dying slowly on a cold, cardboard bed. The breast less teenager. … Plastic-eating goats fighting small children … and — ah yes — the famous ‘shit-rolls-downhill-flying-toilets’. It is unbeatable.” Sarcastically summarized by a Kenyan columnist.

If this slum tourism business does not piss your guts off, I urge you to please turn in your Kenyan passport and or ID to the proper authorities. It is disgusting, inexcusable and down right inhuman.

I hope the slum tourists get all their pity filled pockets emptied by the ‘subjects’ they observer on their grand tour.

What is next? A museum in a western city where ‘conditions of poverty as observed in Africa’s slums’ is replicated with a portion of concession fees going toward the poverty political rhetoric campaign.

Fuck this shit! Now my Friday vibe is messed up.

Peace.

Chris Rock in Kibera

No it is not a misprint. Apparently he visited the slums to see for himself the plight of slum dwellers.

And then after seeing the plight, will manna start raining from heaven? Will every Kibera slum turn into a two storey mansion?

I am seriously growing tired of celebrity gimmicks to attract attention through ‘pity on poor Africans’ projects. I am not accusing Mr. Rock of doing so but it’s an overall disgust on his peers.

Recently Oprah opened a $40 million dollar school in South Africa. A commentator on BBC termed her action as “dropping a gallon of water in a desert” which is painfully the truth.

No need to shun such a good gesture but in the overall scheme of fighting poverty, it is almost useless. And she is to say “I had promised Mandela to build him a school as a gift”. Oh really?

Where was this Oprah of Mandela fame during Katrina? Wouldn’t her $40 million dollars contributed significantly to the plight of Katrina victims?

Or helping Katrina victims is not “in / sexy / catchy”?

And don’t even mention rappers who try to show their roots by shooting videos of African drummers…ala Mr. Ludacris.

Or Jay-Z adopting a Swahili name, Mohammed, Jay-matope or whatever name it was, during his 2 night visit in Tanzania?

It is just disgusting.

Sometimes I feel like telling these celebrities to take their attention and sprinkled dollars and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

If their World Bank / IMF and many other organization have done so little to help Africa even after ‘lending’ billions of dollars out, who is to say Oprah, Ludacris, Rock & Jay-Z are our saviors.

God bless their intentions but still fuck ‘em!

Somali War Breaks Out

You can read details of this story on BBC Africa.

While war in Somalia was inevitable due to high tensions between Somali’s transitional government & the Union Islamic Court (UIC) it is the implication that this conflict has for the rest of East Africa that we should be most concerned about.

For starters the conflict can easily spill over to all countries surrounding Somalia. Ethiopia is already involved with Ethiopian troops on the ground being the basis of UIC’s attack on the transitional government.

Kenya will surely have to confront two issues due to the conflict. Firstly, is the refugee crisis that is already nearing a breaking point. The US through a UN appeal just released emergency funds to alleviate pressure due to new arrivals of Refugee including 30,000 just from Somalia.

Secondly, is Kenya’s dilemma in how to approach the power struggle between Somalia’s transitional government and the UIC.

It is feared with good reason that Somalia has great potential to be a safe haven for radical Muslim groups. Bombings in Nairobi and Mombasa have been linked to Somali origin and or support.

The bottom line is that Kenya is greatly at risk if there is anarchy in Somalia. (Here is a good analysis of the situation by Standard)

At the same time Kenya cannot out rightly declare its support for the transitional government and denounce the UIC. What would happen if the UIC conquered all of Somalia and established control in every region of the country?

Would Kenya want to be a DE facto enemy of a radically extremist Somalia? Of course not. Hence the reason that Kenya treads carefully and strategically backs the UN / AU support for Somalia’s transitional government.

We can only hope that the AU and the UN will quickly intervene before a full regional conflict erupts. If not then the future for East Africa is a grave one.