Grand THEFT Auto

For the 4th edition of the Grand Theft Auto video game series below are some head shaking statistics from the first week of sale.

  • April 19, 2008 first day sales – 3.6 million copies SOLD worth $ 310 million
  • Total first week sales – 6 million copies SOLD worth $ 500 million aka half ONE BILLION dollars

Keep in mind each game costs approximately $ 60.00 and obviously one will need a console such as an Xbox 360 or PS3 which runs approximately $ 300 – $ 500. Then I heard on the radio this morning—and this I had to confirm— there are books for sale, guide books which sell at approximately $ 20.00.

A guide book for a video game …for $20.00!

Don’t parents miss the good old days when a hill and half cut kibuyu would provide children all the play and adrenaline rush they needed for school holidays?

Or an old tire with water/oil and two sticks to ‘steer’ making for a good safari rally. Who remembers… “I want to be Patrick Njiru, I want to be Patrick Njiru, I want to be Patrick Njiru…then settling for Juha Kankkunenn after someone out-shouted you to get Njiru”?

And kadenge na mpira, shake, kati, hide & seek…etcetera? Cheap and socially engaging childhood games.

I say good luck to 3N jr. if he thinks I will fork over $ 600 plus for his entertainment instead of multiplying that by 60 and buying approximately 5k shares of Safcom just like every Kenyan is nowadays required to.


Who’s Your Daddy?

I was thinking the other day as I was listening to Tanya Stephen’s song – A Little White Lie (some lyrics below):

You got your daddy’s smile, you got his eyes
I feel my heart breaking everytime you cry
I’m gonna burn in hell, but its no sacrifice

I see your daddy, in everything you do
And if you could talk, I’ll bet you’ll talk like him too
but he can’t be your daddy, I hope you understand
the man who thinks he’s your father
is a much better man (why then tesa him?)

everybody keeps saying
“The baby looks kind of light”
and I tell them that every newborn baby looks the same
while I’m praying to God, “Please make your color change”
the emotions on his face when he’s looking at you

I couldn’t tell he aint your papa even if I wanted to
Oh God, and I love him, really I do, if he ever found out it
would kill me too, now I’m caught between a rock and a
really hard place (
oh, really?) I’d give anything to keep that smile on his face….

Long story short – you have put in 18 years of hard work to raise another man’s baby and the woman who promised to love You till death did you part; already did you apart kitambo sana. On your kid’s 19th birthday or when the chap is graduating from college you find out the truth….he / she is actually your best friend’s child.

What to do? What to do?

And I hope everyone is aware that this goes on more than society would like to acknowledge. Can you imagine how strongly women would oppose any law that would require DNA proof of parenthood!

In fact do NOT be surprised that your old man – the mzee you have called papa since you were an infant might actually not be your real father.

And I don’t want you to cause havoc at home and demand a DNA test, just let us know what you would do if above scenario happened. As for me and my family even before the pregnancy hits the second trimester all relevant samples will be at the doctors.

Call it lack of trust; I call it a guarantee on my 18 + years investment.



I know relationships can spring from anywhere including virtually lakini I have always been iffy iffy about e-love. I have a pal who met his chile on hi fizzle and their relationship is working fine but still…

And i remember during college guys always scouted and landed mamas from social network sites. Of course it was the typical exchange program – on the bigger side white chicks looking for some Negro loving – and that is fine by me as long as the end result is good strokez and not much more.

Can you imagine if you best man’s toast goes something like this; “when jimmy told me he met waithera on mashada and he showed me her pics, I could tell right away she would make a wonderful wife”

And let me put a disclaimer coz it’s always easier to be misunderstood than understood. I know this might hit close to home for some kbw’ers, no harm intended, just a discussion.

Anyway what do you all think? Ever been involved in one, would you? Do you believe in E-Love?

Donkey Daipers

Being that my business in Limuru heavily depends on donkey transport, I have to now increase my overhead cost since our enlightened Mayor has decided to require donkeys to wear daipers. I am also eagerly awating the council worker who makes the rounds to show wananchi ‘how to properly don a daiper on a donkey without a visit to your local dispensary’.

On another note and unrelated to donkeys or daipers; guys please try this at one point in your life; buy a pack of cd’s say on Friday night, then the next morning kido 8 am go to the same store and buy milk, bread etc, 2 energy drinks, 2 more packs of cd’s and extra strength Advil.

Then the next evening go to the same clerk and ‘accidentally’ drop a stash of rubber banded cash (I recommend wrapping the stack with a heavy bill and inserting many lighter bills in the middle for the thick effect). Make sure you apologize and look embarassed for ‘showing off’ the stash. Then encourage her small talk and nonchalantly ask for phone number. My friends, this is a guaranteed solution to any jamaaz Bilaz Train dilemma.

Finally, what do 26 Jumbo jets, 10,000 guests and $128 million have in common? ONE Indian Wedding! Believe it or not this is how much an Indian billionaire spent for his sons wedding. I was in total disgust as I read this and I wholeheartedly believe this is irresponsible and unacceptable. Yes it is his money but I insist that no matter how rich one is, you cannot justify spending that much money on a wedding. It is a slap on the face of all humanity.

And will this week EVER END??